Introduction
Here’s a hard truth most people never want to hear: if your life, team, or business is a mess, it’s your fault. Not your employee’s. Not the market. Not your parents. Not the way you were raised. It’s yours. Take ownership of your situation. When we really look at our problems, most of them are of our own making. And if they aren’t? We’ve often still contributed in some way, or failed to lead through them.
I had to learn this the hard way. And honestly, I have to re-learn it almost daily. When I find myself irritated, disappointed, disgruntled, or afraid, I stop and ask: What did I do to put myself here? Am I focusing on my feelings and blame—or am I focused on what I can change? If someone’s wronged me, have I ever done that same thing to someone else? And most importantly: What action can I take right now to move forward?
This commitment is not about being a perfectionist or a workaholic. It’s about doing your best—and that starts with owning everything you touch. It means you stop pointing fingers and raise your standards through immediate action and mindset shifts. We must change our standards first. A hypocritical leader who won’t follow their own advice loses all credibility. But a leader who admits when they’re wrong and overcomes their challenges? That’s inspiring. That’s the kind of person people want to follow.
Think about the opposite: Have you ever met someone who always knows everything, and when something goes wrong it’s never their fault? That’s a very unattractive person. They typically have a cycle of friends, jobs, and associates they have to rebuild every year because they lack accountability. They stopped learning the moment they started pretending they knew it all. We learn the most when we admit where we’ve fallen short and take responsibility for it.
When you stop making excuses, something shifts deep in your soul. There’s a kind of freedom that comes with radical responsibility. Because if it’s your fault, that means it’s also within your power to fix. And that’s where true leadership begins.
And that mindset? It rewires everything. It turns setbacks into opportunities. You start using your mind to its fullest potential—mining mistakes for wisdom and turning pain into progress. Think about how your body grows: when you work out, you feel sore afterward. That discomfort is a sign of growth. The same goes for leadership. Mistakes create pain, but real growth happens when you own those mistakes and take immediate action so they aren’t repeated.
This mindset changes how you show up on Monday mornings. It puts character above comfort. It forces you to stop waiting for a savior and become the person who leads the charge. You stop craving applause and start modeling excellence quietly, consistently, and with conviction. That’s what doing your best looks like in action.
Core Issue
The enemy of greatness isn’t laziness—it’s blame.
Blame is a spiritual cancer. It makes you a victim in your own story. You start giving away your power in little doses: “I would’ve succeeded, but they didn’t do their job,” or “I can’t win because I’m not getting support.” It feels easier in the moment to point the finger outward—but it weakens you over time.
Excuses are easy. Ownership is brutal. But it’s the only path to becoming who you say you want to be. And it’s the only path to true freedom in leadership. When you own it, you stop waiting for someone else to rescue you—you rescue yourself.
I remember a time in business when I would get overly upset with an employee who dropped the ball and didn’t follow through. It used to drive me crazy—especially when they’d immediately start blaming outside circumstances. The customer didn’t respond. The vendor was late. They were too busy and forgot. I’d find myself getting so frustrated I wanted to fire them on the spot. But the truth is, I wasn’t just mad at them—I was mad at myself. And I didn’t want to face it.
Now, I handle it differently. I pause. I slow down. I regulate my emotions and shift from reacting to analyzing. I ask: Why did they fail? Was it entirely their fault—or is there something I missed as their leader? I start with the obvious: I hired them. That alone makes me responsible for their performance. So I look deeper—did I ask the right interview questions? Did I clarify expectations? Was I too quick to assume they understood? Did I give them the tools, training, and systems they needed to win?
Sometimes it is 100% on them—but that doesn’t absolve me. It just gives me better data to work with. I’ve learned that firing should always be the last resort. If I can coach them, equip them, and lead them better—then I owe them that first. Ownership means asking if the issue is a person problem, a process problem, or a leadership gap. That shift in my mindset has completely changed how I lead. Now I don’t just look for faults—I look for fixes. We invest in better hiring practices, automation, training, and systems so our people can actually succeed. That’s real leadership.
Blame might feel good for a moment—it gives you a villain, a scapegoat, a sigh of relief. But in the long run, it keeps you small. It keeps you from learning the lesson. It makes you reactive instead of proactive, weak instead of wise.
And blame spreads like a disease. It seeps into your habits. Soon you’re blaming the economy, the algorithm, your upbringing, your team. Before long, you’ve surrendered the wheel of your own life. Ownership, on the other hand, puts your hands back on the wheel. It’s not about guilt—it’s about power. If I caused it, I can change it. And if I didn’t cause it, I can still lead through it. That’s leadership. That’s maturity. That’s how you break the cycle that keeps you stuck.
Deep Dive
When you take ownership, your best gets better. You stop waiting for perfect conditions. You move with urgency, not because you’re rushed, but because you’re focused. You learn faster because you’re actually paying attention—not just to results, but to the patterns behind those results. Accountability sharpens your instincts. It keeps you honest. And when you demand ownership from others, you don’t do it from a soapbox—you do it by modeling it consistently and humbly.
Jocko Willink calls this “Extreme Ownership” for a reason. It’s extreme because the world trains us to deflect, to protect our ego, to point the finger. True leaders flip the script. They ask, “How did I contribute to this problem? What part of this do I own? And what can I do to fix it?”
Ownership doesn’t mean you do everything yourself. It means you’re responsible for ensuring it gets done right. When someone drops the ball, you don’t just shake your head—you ask, “Did I set them up to win? Did I train them well enough? Did I check in? Did I clarify expectations, or did I assume?”
It also means treating the small things with the same level of integrity as the big things. How you do anything is how you do everything. If you cut corners replying to an email, you’ll cut corners closing the deal. If you bring half your effort to your family, eventually that spills over into how you lead at work. Your energy follows your habits.
Doing your best is not just a motivational slogan. It’s a call to battle—against your apathy, against your blind spots, against your pride. It means showing up fully, even when it’s uncomfortable. Doing your best isn’t about what feels good—it’s about doing what’s right, especially when no one’s watching.
Practical Action Steps
Enough theory—let’s talk action. Here are five practical steps you can take this week to embody “Manners Matter” in your leadership. These are simple, concrete behaviors to up your courtesy game immediately:
- Take a moral inventory of your last failure and write out how you contributed to it—aim for a one-page reflection to clarify your role and lessons learned. Write out the last failure, then list these words: Selfish, Dishonest, Manipulative, Fear (afraid), Prideful Ego, Laziness, Excuses. Take an honest inventory of this mistake and really examine your part. Then, write out what you should have done instead and commit to handling it differently if it comes up again. Make amends to anyone harmed along the way. This is a crucial act of humility that shows your team your leadership is grounded in integrity. People respond well to this. You’re also helping them learn how to be better themselves.
- Ask your team, “What’s one way I can lead better this week?”
- Refuse to speak blame out loud—replace it with taking responsibility
- Set one measurable weekly standard for yourself and hold to it
- Follow up on something you handed off—check the outcome
- Re-train someone instead of re-blaming them
- Write a mission statement for your own standard of excellence
- Track a recurring problem and trace it back to a leadership gap by taking a simple moral inventory.
Grounded Wisdom
This principle shows up in Scripture too. Jesus told a parable about three men given resources to steward. The one who hid his talent and blamed fear was rebuked. The ones who took ownership and risked it? They were rewarded.
The Fifth Agreement reminds us to be skeptical but learn to listen. Listening to what your results are telling you is a form of ownership. You can lie to others. But your outcomes? They’re honest.
And Extreme Ownership makes it plain: there are no bad teams, only bad leaders. If you want more from your people, start by demanding more from yourself.
Rick Warren wrote that life isn’t about comfort—it’s about character. That aligns perfectly here. God isn’t measuring you by how smooth the ride is. He’s watching what you do with what you’ve been given.
Brutally Honest Self-Reflection
Now it’s gut-check time. Leading with courtesy and class requires honest self-examination. To grow, you have to be brutally honest about where you fall short. Use the following questions as a mirror. They’re inspired by the rigorous self-inventory of programs like AA, aimed at exposing ego, pride, and selfishness. Set aside your defensiveness and really ask yourself:
- Where am I still blaming others instead of owning the result?
- Am I leading by example or hiding behind authority?
- What standard have I let slip lately because of convenience?
- Who on my team is underperforming because I failed to train or coach?
- Where have I confused activity with effectiveness?
- Do I accept criticism as a gift or a threat?
- Am I doing my best—or just enough to get by?
- Would I want to work for me?
- Do I take more pride in progress or appearances?
- Is my excellence dependent on being noticed?
Journal your answers. And ask someone you trust to tell you the truth.
Final Word
You are not powerless. You are not stuck. You are not at the mercy of circumstances. You are equipped, called, and positioned to lead.
The world doesn’t need more talented people. It needs more responsible ones.
So lead. Own it. Build something excellent. Do your best.
That’s what God put you here to do.
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